Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

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1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce. (You may get an error here on your grammar check; it’s even confused.)
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. (another grammar check)
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? No. Two moose. One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

32Bit Goats

Computers are very simple devices and are made of only three things:
Hardware, Software and Firmware.

Hardware

If you go to a hardware store (Ferramenta in Italy) you will notice that the shelves are full of: screws, nuts, bolts, hose pipes, glue and sandpaper etc.
this is hard wares or hardware. A computer is a box full of hardware, but thanks to a miracle of technology the hardware is miniaturized and packed into very small oblong boxes called integrated circuits (IC’s). These IC’s are further packed into things called Microprocessors.

Software

Another shop you might visit is a sofa shop, here you will find all types of soft wares: Sofa’s armchairs cushions mattresses etc. this is software. Of course a shop full of mattresses would never fit on a CD or floppy disc.
But as you may know, if you remove all the air out of your soft wares you can pack it into a fraction of the space. If you then remove the spaces, a technique called zipping you will have “zipped” software.
This zipped software of course would not work, it would “crash”, so before it is used, “spaces” have to be put back in. Now the software will work, but only for a short time, because after some time it will run out of spaces and crash into a mattress again.
Microsoft have come up with a solution to this problem, it is called a dynamic update, every few days when your software gets low on spaces, microsoft send more spaces so your computer can keep going.

Firmware

Between the hardware shop and the software shop in my town is a Fish & Chip shop. Fish and Chip shops sell deep fried fish and chipped potatoes wrapped in old newspaper. Computer firmware is the same, it is between hardware and software, but instead of on a CD or floppy disc the mattresses are deep fried into chips.

Microprocessor

Have you noticed that goats will eat anything, shirts, cushions, even mattresses, they bite off small bits and swallow them one by one. A processor is the same, the sofa’s and mattresses are chopped into bite sized pieces or bytes.
Now the goat can eat the sofa easily.
A goat that can swallow 3 bits of mattress twice a second is a 2 bit 3 hertz goat.
A goat that can swallow 32 bits of mattress 500,000 times a second is a 32Bit 0.5MHz goat.
32Bit = size of goats mouth.
0.5MHz = mouthful per second.

Hard Drive

I know, Hertz – Hard Drive, we all tend to drive hire cars a little hard, and the roads in Norfolk are perfect for rental cars:

Freeway – You have to pay to use the Freeway.
Parkway – You cannot park on a Parkway.
Driveway – You park on a driveway.

Your goat parks its sofa’s and mattresses on it Hard Drive.

RAM

All goats need Rams, a good ram will anticipate the goats needs, and have the needed mattress ready for action.